Hourglass
by Kate Manoso
Summary: Song fics bunched together under one title. Rating for possible future smut or other stuff.
1. Saw Something

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters.

_A/N: This is going to be a lot like_ 'He Has What I Want'_. Each chapter will be separate and be able to stand on their own. The common thread for this set of one-shots is that they are all song pics based on songs from_ Hourglass_ by Dave Gahan. I'm addicted. What can I say? I hope that you all enjoy this first installment. More will be posted in order as they are on the CD._

* * *

_After the storm had passed._

_I wondered how long,_

_The break in the clouds would last_.

It was always like this. We'd have a great run for a few months and then something would happen. She'd blow up a car, or get another stalker, and we'd have a huge, knock down, drag out, fight. Then, after a week or two, we'd be back together like nothing ever happened. It was a cycle that seemed to work for both of us. At least that's what I thought.

Until today.

_I saw something in your eyes, I'm sure._

_Baby I saw it, something in your eyes._

_I wanted it for myself._

I was sitting in the far corner in Pino's when she walked in. I watched as she walked straight over to the opposite corner of the room and sat at a table across from him. Ranger. I felt my jealousy begin to grow as my blood pressure started to rise. They spoke for a few minutes before the waitress came over and took their order. He had smirked when she placed her order. No doubt that her eating habits were amusing to him since they were the total opposite of his. She turned back to him as the waitress walked away and smiled. That's when I saw it.

_I sit, and I wait, and I stare._

_Still wishing for_

_Divine intervention to lift me from my chair._

She was smiling at him as he reached out and tucked a curl behind her ear. It was a move that I had done so many times before, never really thinking about it. I wanted to run across the room and smack his hand away as it came to rest on her cheek. But, as I saw him touch her, her face changed. It was as if that simple touching of skin had effected her more then I ever had. Her tongue had slid out across her lips and he smiled at her like she was lunch.

_I saw something in your eyes, I'm sure._

_Baby I saw it, something in your eyes._

_I saw something in you eyes, I'm sure._

_Baby I saw it, there was something in your eyes._

_I wanted it for myself._

When in the hell did this happen? Shit! How long has this crap been happening? How many times had they come here, for lunch, and sat together? I just couldn't believe that Mr. Always Aware of His Surrounds and Steph were so engrossed in each other that they didn't seem to notice any other person in the room. It was as if the rest of the world didn't exist, beyond each other. Had it ever been that way for us? Fuck no! She never looked at me that way. And I'd never been able to drowned everything else out like that. Never.

_You and I, we've come so far_

_We've reached beyond the farthest star_

_Time and time and time again_

_I want you back, you were my friend_

_We can pretend._

I thought that she was the One. I thought that I was her One, too. Fuck! Where had I gone wrong? What hadn't I offered? What was it about him that she needed? We had talked about getting married and having kids. I thought that she was happy with me. I was never happier than when I was with her.

_I saw something in your eyes, I'm sure._

_Baby I saw it, something in your eyes._

_I wanted it for myself._

But, here she is, eating lunch with another man. Holding another man's hand. Laughing with another man. It was wrong. Either it was them, or it was us. But, something was definately wrong for her to do this. Either way, it looks like the fight that we had last night was going to be our last fight. It seemed fitting that the last fight of our relationship was over him. And now she was with him.

Fuch this shit! She can have that psycho! I shook my head in disgust as I threw some bills on the table and left. I didn't need another Morelli and Stephanie scene to circulate through the 'Burg' grapevine again. I looked back at them through the window as I climbed into my SUV. It was at that moment that it fully hit me. That look that was shared between them, that was what was missing between me and Steph.

And, damnit, I wanted it for myself.

* * *

A big thanks goes to Kate (Myminorobsession). I love ya, Babe! 


	2. Kingdom

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters.

* * *

I parked in the parking lot at 0205. Just like I have every night for the last twenty-three nights. The lights were off, but I knew that she was asleep in her room. Alone. The explosive argument that had occurred outside the bonds office had ensured that they were completely over. Forever. I couldn't have been happier. But, i made sure that I kept my distance. She needed to figure out what she wanted for herself before I could make my move. 

I climbed out of my Porsche and made my way to the back door of her building. I took the stairs up to the second floor and stopped in front of her door. Without wasting any time, I pulled out the pick set and got her door open in four seconds. Everything seemed normal, except one thing. The music coming from her room. I stopped just outside her bedroom door and listened.

_Can you feel me coming? Open the door, it's only me.  
I have that desperate feeling. __In trouble is where I'm going to be.  
I know you hear me knocking. So open the door, and set me free._

I stood there and pondered the first verse of the song. It all fit for us. We could feel each other. I get a little tingling sensation in my gut when she's near. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a desperate man. She had made me desperate. Desperate to touch her. Desperate to see her. Desperate to hear her.She's the only woman that's ever made me regret the decisions that I've made in my life. I've hated my life since the first moment that I laid eyes on her. She was the light at the end of some very dark tunnels for me. Her light was the reason that I found myself standing frozen just outside her bedroom door. I wanted to be free of all of the nightmares in my head. And I've found that just being in her presence, she could do that.

_If there's a kingdom beyond it all.  
Is there a God that loves us all?  
Do we believe in love at all?  
I'm still pretending, I'm not a fool._

Who is this guy kidding? Of course there's a kingdom beyond it all. It lies just inside her embrace. God exists. Whether or not he loves us? I guess that's something that I'll have to ask him if I ever get to heaven. Love? I once again have to refer to the beautiful creature that's laying on the bed in the next room. She had unknowingly forced me to feel that emotion. Everyone likes to pretend. But what this guy might not understand is that I'm pretending every day and I know that I'm a fool for doing it. Fucking Batman!

_So in your infinite wisdom, Show me how this life should be.  
With all your love and glory. It doesn't mean that much to me._

It was that last line that got me. I had made her believe that what she had felt for me really meant nothing. That I only wanted her in my bed and nothing else. I never should have told her that I didn't come with a ring. What was I thinking? I know what I was thinking. I was still thinking like a ranger. My life doesn't lend itself to relationships. What the fuck is that chicken shit? Face it, Manoso. I said to myself. She's the best thing that ever happened to you. You'll never find someone that can look you in the eye and really see you.

I stepped into her room as the chorus repeated. I looked over at her bed and stared straight into her clear blue eyes.

_If there's a kingdom beyond it all.  
Is there a God that loves us all?  
Do we believe in love at all?  
I'm still pretending, I'm not a fool._

I crossed the room to her bed and climbed on top of her. My lips found hers and I poured my heart and soul into the kiss. I wanted her more than anything in this world. She was the life that I wanted. That I craved. That I just couldn't live without any more.

"Yo," she whispered breathlessly against my lips after I broke the kiss.

"Yo," I said back.

I had heard that she referred to me as the king of one word sentences. It wasn't that I was trying to remain a mystery to her. I simply got tongue tied around her. She was so beautiful that she caused all coherent thoughts to evade me.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered against my lips as I hovered over her.

"I need you."

"Really?" she asked cautiously.

"More then anyone else on this planet," I confessed.

She silently stared up at me. I could see emotions running the gambit through her eyes. Confusion. Hope. Fear. Love. Regret. It was the regret that threw me off. Was I already too late? Did she choose to go back to the cop? How could I have been so stupid to wait for so long?

I kissed her lightly on the lips and then started to push myself up off of her. Her arms shot up and grabbed my shoulders before I could completely get myself up. I looked back down at her and raised an eyebrow. Why was she stopping me?

"Where are you going?"

"I thought you wanted me to," I said quietly, still raised up off of the bed. "The look in your eyes told me that I made a mistake coming here."

"The only mistake that you've made was waiting twenty-three nights to finally climb into my bed and kiss me like that."

I sunk back down on the bed and fused my lips to hers. It was a kiss that said everything for the both of us. It was the same kiss that I gave her the next morning before I left for the office. And it's been the same kiss that we've been sharing ever since. It was a kiss that held a promise. That this was forever.


	3. Deeper And Deeper

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. Dave Gahan owns the song.

_

* * *

I want your love._

She was all that I could think about. I'd hold my breath every morning as she'd stop by my cubicle to check in with me. It had become part of her morning routine and was quickly becoming one of the highlights of my day. I'd bide my time until lunch. Then, with some strategic planning, we'd end up next to each other as we'd eat. She was so damn cute when she ate. She makes all these little sounds that just about make me come unglued.

_I'm gonna have you. When I want to. I'm gonna take you, that's what I like.  
I'm going down now. Deeper and deeper. Under your skin, you know that it's right._

My need for her keeps growing. Everyday was a slow torture to my soul. She had excepted all of us for who we were. She had never shied away or cringed when ever we touched her. She was a small piece of light that had entered our world and changed it forever. A constant reminder that the world wasn't at a total lose. That there were people out there that were good and decent. That's what drew me to her in the first place. It was the innocence that she carried around with her.

_I wanna love you. I want your love.  
I wanna love you. I want your love._

I had to make my move. The cop had been out of the picture for three months. Ranger had re-enforced his 'no relationship' policy. I've been watching her unhappily float along. Alone. I heard her complain to Hal about a week ago that she couldn't take being set up by her mother anymore. She had said that she just wanted someone who would except her for who she was. Love didn't matter anymore as long as there was mutual respect. I could live with it starting out that way. I'd just have to get her to fall in love with me.

_You can't tell me That you don't want it You know that I like it when you put up a fight._

_I'm gonna have you. When I want to I'm gonna take you, that's what I like._

"Hey," I said as I stepped onto the elevator with her at the end of the day.

"Hey,"she said as she smiled up at me.

"What are your plans for the night?" I asked as we took the short trip down to the fourth floor.

"I think I'm going to lay down," she said with a shrug. "I've got a headache coming on."

"I think you should ditch that plan and come out with me tonight," I said after a moment of hesitation.

Her head snapped up and she looked me dead in the eye. I've never been one to be able to read peoples minds. But, she seemed to be questioning my motives. Good girl, I thought to myself as I smiled down at her. She should be on her guard with all of the crazies that she manages to attract.

_I wanna love you. I want your love.  
I wanna love you. I want your love._

"A date?" she asked as her eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"Yeah," I said as my smile turned into a full on grin.

"Like dinner and dancing?" she asked. I could see a hint of hope in her eyes.

"Absolutely," I said as I pushed off the railing and walked with her out of the elevator.

We stopped just outside her door and she looked up at me. For a moment, I thought that she was going to say no. I saw her looked down the hall at the camera and stare at it for a moment. Was she afraid of what Ranger or the guys would think? As far as I was concerned, Ranger and everyone else had missed their chance. She was going to be mine. She just didn't know it yet. If she said 'no' now, I'd just have to keep asking until I ware her down. I can be very persistent if I have to be.

She looked back over at me and eyed me for a moment. I just kept grinning down at her, hoping that the smile on my face would be too much for her to turn down. I hated that I was using her inability to hurt people's feelings against her. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. And I was getting desperate.

She looked down at her watch and then back up at me. "Seven o'clock."

That was all that she said before she opened her door and disappeared into her apartment. I felt like I was soaring through the air. SHE SAID YES! I turned around and flew into my apartment to jump in the shower. I was taking her out on the town for a night that she'd never forget. That's a guarantee.

_I'm gonna have you. When I want to. I'm gonna take you, that's what I like.  
Im going down now. Deeper and deeper. Under your skin, you know that's right_.

I had a constant erection through dinner. It wasn't completely my fault. It was all of her moaning as she enjoyed her food. I've honestly never seen anyone take so much pleasure in eating. It's rather hypnotizing. Watching the fork slowly pass her lips and then waiting for that soft pur to resonate through her thoat. I'd love to feed her stawberries and whipped cream. Something to consider on the next date.

I took her out to a salsa club and we danced for hours. She fit so neatly in my arms even though she was a full foot shorter then me. Her silk dress slid under my hands as her body moved against mine. I hated for the night to end. She was so happy to be out in the world. It was as if the cop had never taken her out any where. It was a crime against the world to not take such a beautiful woman out on the town every Friday night.

It had slightly surprised me when she didn't let go of my hand as I helped her out of my 442 once we were back in the garage. We rode up the elevator silently, hand in hand. I tilted my head and looked down at her and noticed that she was actually smiling. It was a genuine smile that I hadn't seen in a long time. My heart did a little happy dance at the thought that I was responsible for putting that smile on her face. We stopped in front of her door and she smiled up at me as her eyes sparkled.

"I had a great time tonight," she said quietly. "Thank you."

"Would you like to go out again tomorrow night?" I asked, impatient to spend more time with her.

"I think that I would," she said as her face lit up even more.

"I must warn you..."

"What is it Cal?" she asked, her forehead slightly creased.

"_I wanna love you_," I whispered in her ear. "_I want you love_."

* * *

_If anyone would like to actually hear any of these songs. Please hit my up through my e-mail address. I'd be more then happy to share any of these songs.-Kate_


	4. 21 Days

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. Dave Gahan owns the song.

* * *

I had known that this was coming. I enjoyed toying with her. She was a beautiful woman that had piqued my interests the first time I laid eyes on her. It had been a perfect situation for me. Well, maybe not perfect because she was only putting out to the cop. But, I got the stolen kisses in the alley and not to mention seeing her dressed to kill for distractions.

_When are you going to tell us it's over?_

_How long will you keep us hanging on your hook?_

_You have us all by the short and curlys._

_Reading us all like a book._

My Babe had totally lost it a few weeks ago outside the bonds office. She stood there and screamed at me and the cop. I tried to stay tuned in to what she was staying, but she was always so damn cute when she stood there flapping her arms around. By the time I got my head out of the clouds I had been able to catch the end of her rant. She was swearing off of both of us?

_Building a tower of fear by the river._

_Building it up. Build it up._

_Building a tower of fear by the river._

_Building it up. Build it up_.

The longer that I kept my distance, the more distracted I got. I was getting clumsy and messy. Slowly, things at work were slipping through my fingers. I lost two major accounts in three days. The guys had started keeping their distance because I hadn't been able to keep my anger in check. I can't take it anymore. I snuck into her apartment, like I had many times before. I sat down in the chair that sat in the corner of her room and stared at the angel that laid in the bed. Her curly hair laid out like a halo over her pillow. I loved this woman more then anything else on this earth. But, she doesn't want me anymore. I felt my heart shatter at that thought. I silently cursed myself. This is exactly why I don't do relationships. I always get hurt in the end.

_It's been twenty-one days and the tower keeps rising._

_Twenty-one day, that's all it took._

_The sun is disappearing on the horizon._

_You really should take a look._

I was about to get up and leave when her breathing changed. Shit! She's waking up. I held my breath in hopes that she might role over and drift back to sleep. All hopes were lost when she opened her eyes and slowly sat up. I slipped on my 'blank face' and waited for her to throw my out. After all, she was done with me. So, I sat there and waited as the fear started to build in my gut.

_Building a tower of fear by the river._

_Building it up. Build it up._

_Building a tower of fear by the river._

_Building it up. Build it up._

I tensed slightly as she climbed out of the bed and walked towards me. I made a small mental note that she was wearing one of my black shirts that I had left behind during the Scrogg incident. I was slightly confused when she took my hand in hers and pulled me from the chair to the end of her bed.

"Why are you here?" she asked quietly.

I stared down at her for a moment. Should I tell her everything? Or, just let her shut me out and live like I had been for the last three weeks? The men would kill me. But, she would be safe from the hazards of my life. Damn it! I needed her so much though.

"Ranger?"

"Because I had to see you," I said quietly.

"Why?"

"The last twenty-one days of my life have been a living hell without you. I'm a fucking mess and it's all your fault because you kicked me to the curb outside the bonds office," I said with a rejected tone.

"I heard that you've been having problems," she said as she reached up and brushed my hair off of my forehead.

"I've lose two big accounts and had four take downs go bad. I think that the guys are about ready to kill me," I said as I turned and sat on the corner of her bed. "None of them want to be in the same room as me."

"Bad mood?"

"The worst."

"Are you ready for that to change?"

"How?" I asked as I looked up at her and frowned. She was the only one that could turn things back around for me.

Her lips found mine as she pushed me back on the bed. I luxuriated in the feeling of her straddling my lap. This woman had the power to bring me and my company to its knees. And I loved her for it all the more. I ran my hands up her back and fisted them in her hair as her tongue slid into my mouth.

She broke the kiss and looked down at me for a moment. "This is it. You can't send me back to Joe in the morning."

"I'll never send you back to Joe," I said as I brought my hands out of her hair and cupped her face. "You belong to me now."


	5. Miracles

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. Dave Gahan owns the songs.

* * *

I thought that I had seen or heard everything that there ever was to see or hear. But, I was definitely wrong. This had blown everything else out of the water for me. I had never been this terrified in my life. I couldn't believe that I was seeing what I was seeing. And yet, here she was. This little thing, drenched with water, sitting with me. I now believe in everything that I never believed in before. 

_I don't believe in miracles._

_And they happen every day._

_I don't believe in Jesus._

_But I'm praying every day_.

My heart had stopped in my chest five minutes ago. I had been put on 'Bomber Duty' this morning because Ranger had said that she had been acting funny lately. I was to keep my distance and blend in. Not one of my strong suits if you ask me. But, I did as the boss said and followed her all day.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened until this evening. I had followed her, at a distance, to the docks. I pulled out my night vision goggles and watched her climb out of her POS of the month. She walked down to the docks and climbed onto a very large yacht. I called into the com room and had them run the name of the boat. Turns out that the boat belongs to Alexander Ramos. Not the greatest of guys in the state of New Jersey. But, not the worst either. I told the com room to hold off until I had more. I watched her start to argue with Ramos and then suddenly the whole boat exploded.

_I want to except the truth._

_I really do. I believe._

_I'm just afraid of losing you_.

It was like the whole world had stopped. The boat had become completely engulfed in flames in a matter of seconds. I stumbled out of my truck as I stared out at what use to be a boat. No! This can't be happening. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces as a single thought came rushing into my mind. She's gone.

_I read it in the paper._

_And I've watched them on TV._

_I've seen it in the movies._

_They say the truth will set you free._

I stomped down all of my emotions as I started scanning the water. She had been near the edge. Maybe she had been thrown off with the force of the explosion. I finally caught sight of something floating in the water. I jumped in, without thought, and swam out towards the floating object. She was just waking back up when I reached her.

_I want to except the truth._

_I really do. I believe._

_I'm just afraid of losing you._

I wrapped an arm around her chest and towed her back to the dock. She's a light little thing, so I had no problem hauling her up the ladder and back onto the dock. I laid her down and ran my hands over her looking for blood and broken bones. There wasn't anything. Not even singed hair. She was completely fine.

_I'm just afraid of losing you._

I finally took a deep breath as I looked down into her crystal blue eyes. I had never known that this little girl had gotten herself wrapped so tightly around my heart. My heart rate was finally slowing down and my breathing was becoming easier. I reached down and stroked her cheek with my knuckles. She took my hand in hers and kissed my palm.

_I'm just afraid of losing you._

I sat down on the dock next to her as I helped her sit up. She started to shake so I wrapped my arms around her to share my body warmth. The police slowly started showing up, but neither one of us made a move to separate. My heart wouldn't be able to handle another scare like that tonight, so I wasn't letting this little lady out of my sight until her head hit her pillow.

"Are you okay?" she whispered as she tilted her head back and looked up at me.

"I'm just afraid of losing you," I whispered.


	6. Use You

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. Dave Gahan owns the song.

* * *

This is pure torture. I've been feeling this way for months. But I still can't seem to bring myself to do anything about it. We've fallen into a rut. It's killing me to be here with him. This isn't the way that things were suppose to be when two people supposedly loved each other. It was suppose to be more then this, I thought as a tear fell down my cheek.

_It's killing me to be in this room._

_I've gotta get out. I've gotta get out soon._

_Hurting you with everything I do._

_It's too long, too long in this place._

I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't just walk away. Not after everything that we've been through. But, still, at some point you just have to call it quits. When the only time that we aren't yelling at each other is when we're in bed, something is terribly wrong. It broke my heart to think about ending this. He was still my best friend. But, he was a terrible boyfriend. This was such a disaster. Why hadn't i seen this coming? It was like a train wreck that that you saw coming, but couldn't look away from. The story of my life.

_We're counting down, only seconds now._

_I've got to hang on, hang on to you._

_I'm tearing at my cuticles._

_Too long, too long in this place._

Yeah. I've gotta end this now. I just can't take it anymore. My heart can't take it. I told him that he had my heart and he was crushing it with his bare fist. And he knew it too. I saw it in his eyes when he looked at me. It was only a matter of time. Maybe we still might be able to salvage our friendship. The sad part was that I knew we were too late in the game to be able to do that.

_We have each other. You are my brother._

_Sitting here beside you. I just want to use you._

_We have each other. You are my brother._

_Sitting here beside you. I just want to use you._

It had hit me last night, as I watched him sleep, that we were just using each other. We'd coming together in the darkness and fulfill each other's needs. And that's all that there was. There was so much more in the beginning. There were dinners and movies. We'd got out and have fun.

_I'm hurting you with everything I do._

_I gotta get out, I gotta get out soon._

_It's killing me to be in this room._

_I don't belong, belong in this place._

I stood in the entry way and waited for him to walk through the door. He walked in and kissed my cheek as he walked by. I wrapped my arms around my chest to try to hold the pain inside. He never even noticed the duffle bag on the floor next to the door. I turned my head slightly and heard him boot up the computer in his office. Just like he has every night for the last three months. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek as I swallowed the painful lump in my throat.

_We have each other. You are my brother._

_Sitting here beside you. I just want to use you._

He'll be fine without me, I thought to myself as I picked up my duffle bag. I quietly opened the door and closed it softly. I waved at the camera in the elevator as I smiled up at it. I was going to be okay. He'd understand. The letter that I left on the counter explained everything to him. He'll call me when he's ready.

_We have each other. You are my brother._

_Sitting here beside you. I just want to use you._

"What are you doing?" Tank asked as I stepped out of the elevator.

"I'm leaving, Tank," I said as I walked over to my CRV.

"What did he say?"

"It's what he hasn't said , Tank," I said as I dropped my bag in the back of my SUV. "I don't even think that he knows that I'm gone yet."

"What?" Tank asked as his eyebrows shot up on his forehead.

"I left a letter on the counter," I said as I opened my door. I looked over the top of my CRV at Tank. "Take care of him for me."

I slid behind the wheel and drove out of the garage. Hopefully not for the last time.

_A/N: This is the only chapter that will continue with the next._


	7. Insoluble

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. Dave Gahan owns the song.

_A/N: Continuation of Useless._

* * *

She's left me? I thought as I re-read the letter that was sitting on the counter. This can't be right. She said she'd never leave. She promised me. What did I do wrong? Read the letter for the third time, a voice in my head said. It's all right there. 

_I scattered pictures on the bedroom floor._

_I should have told you many times before._

_I should have listened when you were mine._

_It could be too late, I've already crossed that line._

Oh God, I thought after I read the letter a third time more closely. How could I have done this to her? She was everything to me, and I had let her down. I had broken my promise to her to let her in. I hadn't even realized that I had shut her back out again. I knew that we had fallen into a rut. But, I thought that we'd get out of it. I kept on meaning to take her on a vacation. Just the two of us. Work just kept on getting in the way.

_My angel._

I'm such a total ass. Why didn't I stop this before it got out of control?

_When you were whispering in my ear._

_You have nothing to fear._

My greatest fear had been losing her and I was. I had caused her to leave me without me even noticing it. Well this just isn't acceptable, I thought as I grabbed my jacket off of the back of one of the kitchen chairs. She's mine, and I'm going to get this fixed. Whether she wants to, or not. I'm not ready to let her go. She's the blood that pumps through my veins, the air in my lungs. I will not let her walk out on us without a fight. I called the control room and got her location as I rode down in the elevator.

_Insoluble. (You have nothing to fear.)_

_You gave it all._

_Insoluble. (You have nothing to fear.)_

_We had it all._

Wait! a voice shouted in my head. She's going to want to know how you plan on fixing this. You can't run in there without a plan. Fuck! I'll do whatever she tells me to do, I said to the voice. She's the only thing that really matters to me. I'll give up everything for her. I'll quit my job. She never asked you to do that, the voice whispered. She just wanted you to love her.

_You've always been here by my side._

_I even felt you when the earth began to slide._

I pulled up in front of her parents house and shut off my car. I could see her head leaning back on the head rest of her CRV. Her mother and grandmother were both standing on the porch, doing great imitations of spectators at a tennis match. I kept my eyes glued to her vehicle as I climbed out of mine. I could see her face in the side rear veiw mirror as I walked towards her door. She looked so damn miserable. I felt a knife slide into my heart as I saw tears slowly falling down her cheek when I got closer. Her pain was all my fault, and I wanted nothing more then to make it up to her. If she'd let me.

_My angel. My angel._

I stopped at her door and bent over to rest my arms on the open window ledge. She wouldn't even look over at me. She just kept looking straight ahead as more tears started flowing down her smooth face. I reached out slowly and used the back of my fingers to gently wipe them away.

"I want you to come back home," I whispered.

"I can't," she whispered back.

"Why not?" I asked as I felt the knife in my heart twist.

_Insoluble. (You have nothing to fear.)_

_You gave it all._

_Insoluble. (You have nothing to fear.)_

_We had it all._

"You gave up on us," she whispered as she slowly turned her head and looked at me. "You shut me out. I can't go through that again."


	8. Endless

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. Dave Gahan owns the song.

* * *

I slipped inside her, skin against skin, and it felt like coming home. She was soft and wet. Largely in part from the explosive orgasm that had just ripped through her body as I went down on her. She whispered my name as our hips met. It was like hearing an angel's voice. God, she's the most amazing woman. I had to reel my control back in to keep myself from flipping us over and pinning her to the bed to have my way with her. 

_In the cold of the full moon on this night._

_Time itself has slipped away. Now you are mine._

_Slowly the hours passed all through the night._

_Together we can disappear for a while._

I stared up at her as she leaned back and buried me in her to the hilt. She looked so exotic at that moment. The light from the parking lot spilling into her room, shadows playing with the curves of her body. I ran my hands up her thighs as she started slowly moving up and down. Trailing my fingers lightly over her hips, I moved my hands up her flat stomach to cup her breasts. Her head fell back as I started to manipulate her nipples with my fingers, lightly twisting and pulling. I almost completely lost it at this new sight of her. She was truly magificent.

_Now I am still. Forever and ever and ever._

_Now I am still. For ever and ever and ever._

I wanted to keep myself deep inside her forever. It was the greatest feeling, being joined with her. It wasn't just a physical act with Stephanie. She brought emotion into play, and it heightened the experience for the both of us.

_Endless. Endless. Now I am still._

_Endless. Endless. Your body is endless._

A small sound of protest escaped her lips as my hands left her breats and trailed back down to her hips. I had to get her incoming orgasm to back off. I wanted this to last all night, and I knew that if she fell over the edge, she'd take me with her. She brought her head back forward and looked down at me. Her blue eyes were as clear as sapphires and filled with pure desire. Desire for me.

_Watching the hourglass on that night._

_We touched the stars and reached the moon for a time._

_I'm lost in the moment with you. It feels right._

_We're floating above the stars, you and I._

I slowly sat up and wrapped my arms around her to still her. Confusion flickered through her eyes as little lines appeared between her eyesbrows. I brought my left hand up and caressed the side of her face as I looked deep into her eyes. A slow smile spread across her lips as she leaned forward to kiss me. Her soft lips moved gently across mine. I parted my lips and ran my tongue across hers. She moaned softly as her lips granted access to my tongue.

_Now I am still. Forever and ever and ever._

_Now I am still. For ever and ever and ever._

_Endless. Endless. Now I am still._

_Endless. Endless. Your body is endless._

I loosened my grip around her waist and let her start moving again. My left hand trailed up her back and tangled itself in her soft wild curls. I slowy brought my right hand around to the front of her body and captured her left breast. Her lips tore away from mine as I started rubbing my thumb across her nipple.

_I am still. Forever and ever and ever._

_I am still. Forever and ever and ever._

_Endless. Endless. Now I am still._

_Endless. Endless. Your body is endless._

I decided to take pity on us both and lowered my lips to her breast. Her breathing quickly became labored as she tightened around me. I trailed my tongue around her nipple and then breathed on it. My name was falling from her beautifully pouty lips, chanting it over and over. Sensing her urgency, I took her nipple into my mouth once more and lightly bit it. I groaned around her nipple as she screamed my name in esctasy when she started shaking. I quickly followed her over the edge as I emptied into her. The orgasm that swamped my body was the most intense one that I've ever felt. And I knew that it was because of all of the love that I held for her in my heart.

"I love you," I whispered against her skin as I started kissing my way up her chest to her collarbone.

"Mmmmm," she moaned as she wrapped her arms around my neck. "I love you, too, Cal."


	9. A Little Lie

Disclaimer: JE owns the Characters. Dave Gahan owns the song.

* * *

It seems like everyone and their mother knows how much I love her. How could I possibly not? She is everything that I'm not. She's sweet and kind. The woman has a heart of gold that she opens to every person she meets. No wonder all the guys lover her. She doesn't see us as a scary bunch of ex-military thugs. She sees everything that's underneather. The man under the cloak of darkness that we surround ourselves with.

_That time has passed._

_Sometimes they never really last._

_We've come undone._

_To me you'll always be the one._

It's the cloak of darkness that forces me to keep her at arms length. I've seen and done horrible things. Things that she'd never understand. Things that weren't right. Morally or legally. It's a life that I chose to lead a long time ago. I couldn't let that beautiful, curly haired, sexy woman risk herself to be with me. I'd break her heart if she ever really knew what I kept inside myself. She deserves someone better then me. She deserves a better life that isn't filled with the darkness that I walk through on a daily basis.

_Calm down people._

_It's just a little lie_.

_You know it doesn't mean nothing._

_And I realize you could be right._

_Calm down people._

_It's just a little lie._

_You know it doesn't mean nothing._

_And I realize you could be right._

I've told her every way possible that my life doesn't lend itself to relationships. The guys think that I'm full of shit. Hey, if they want to shack up wth someone and leave them behind, then that's on them when they come home in a body bag. I'm not going to do that to someone. It's bad enough that I have a daughter that I'll do that to one day. But, I refuse to do that to the one woman who holds my heart. Even if I have to lie to her, and myself, on a regular basis to keep her away from me.

_I walk alone._

_And you know I've never felt at home._

_I'm so hard to please._

_And I have everything I need._

Tank thinks that I'm stupid for not wanting a life with her. He doesn't understand just how much I do. I want to wake up beside her every morning. I want to make love to her every night before I close my eyes. I want to come home to her so that she can chase away all of the darkness. But, I can't. So, I'm just going to continue to lie to her. And I'll do it every day to keep her from making the decision that would ruin her life.

_Calm down people._

_It's just a little lie._

_You know it doesn't mean nothing._

_And I realize you could be right._

_Oh, calm down people._

_It's just a little lie._

_You know it doesn't mean nothing._

_And I realize you could be right._

So, here I sit, in my apartment, alone. I know that she's just a few miles away laying in the arms of another man. I'm not the least bit okay with that. But, I know tht the cop can give her a life filled with love and beautiful things. that's something that I'll never have the capability of doing for her. I've seen the hurt in her eyes and I know that some day, she'll understand why I've done everything that I've done.

_Calm down people._

_It's just a little lie._

_You know it doesn't mean nothing_.

_And I realize you could be right._

_Oh, calm down people._

_It's just a little lie._

_You know it doesn't mean nothing._

_And I realize you could be right._

I guess the only thing that plagues me at this point is... What if the guys are right?


	10. Down

Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. Dave Gahan owns the song.

_A/N: Thanks to everyone who's been following this long journey of song fics. Here's the last one. I hope that you all enjoy it. Thank you, Linda._

* * *

It was only Tuesday, and I was having the week from hell. I've been hip deep in garbage for the last two days and I'm tired of it. I've spent more time in the shower than I have actually spent working. That just isn't right. I stormed into the bonds office at four in the afternoon, completely ignoring the Merry Man that was sitting in the chair in front of Connie's desk. 

"I've fucking had it!" I shouted to Connie as I handed her two body receipts. "I want fruity drinks with little umbrellas! I want dancing to cover songs by a local band! I want to forget the last two days! I want to find a man that can help me forget the last two days! We need a girls night out at Tiki Bob's!"

"I'm in!" Lula cheered from the couch.

"My apartment. Seven o'clock," I said as I grabbed the two checks that Connie was handing me.

I hit the drive thru at my bank and then headed back to my apartment for another shower. I shaved, scrubbed, and exfoliated myself to within an inch of my life. I needed to get out and actually have fun. I didn't think that it would have been a great idea to smell like garbage. Especially if I was trying to find a new man for myself. Ranger was 'in the wind' and Joe was definitely out. You can thank Terri for that one. I'm single, sexy and determined. Tonight was going to be fun.

The girls showed up at my front door at seven on the nose. We were all glammed out and ready for a night of drinking and men. Thank God I have such great friends. I really don't know what I'd do without them. We all climbed into Lula's firebird and motored off to the bar.

Tiki Bob's is just what it sounds like. The exterior of the building actually looks like a tiki hut. Fake bamboo lined the walls, and plastic hay adorned the roof. When you walked through the door, there was always a girl standing there handing out leis. We took the offered flowery necklaces and made our way to a table near the stage.

I knew a couple of the guys in the band on stage from high school. The drummer was an ex-boyfriend that I was still on good terms with. I smiled and waved at him. His eyes lit up and, for a moment, I felt wary. I could tell that he had something up his sleeve. I dismissed the feeling as Lula arrived at the table with our first round of drinks.

I was feeling pretty good after a few fruity drinks and a couple of dances from some pretty cute guys. The last two days were fleeing my memory as I sat back down at the table with Lula. Connie was still living it up on the dance floor. I really just needed a break for a minute to rest my feet. My FMPs were killing me. I guess that's the price that you pay for great shoes.

Lula and I started talking when things quieted down as the house band took a break. The bar was hopping, but we were still able to talk without shouting at each other. Lula was in the middle of telling me about her last date with Tank when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked over at the bar and saw a small group of Merry Men. I caught Lester's eye and he simply smiled at me as he wiggled his eyebrows in my direction. I really hoped that they weren't following me. It was bad enough that I saw them all the time when I pulled search shifts at RangeMan. They were great guys. Don't get me wrong. It's just that sometimes, I end up spending too much time with them.

I was contemplating approaching the guys and finding out what was up when the band came back on stage.

"We have a special treat tonight," the lead singer said. I can't remember his name off the top of my head at the moment. Four fruity drinks can do that to a person. I turned in my chair to look at the stage and my mouth fell open. The lead singer continued to tell us what was unfolding on stage. "A good friend of mine has begged me to let him sing a song for a very special girl that has captured his heart. This song is for Bomber. I hope she likes it."

I felt Lula's hand reach around and close my mouth as I watched a man that I had spent a lot of time with take his place behind the mic as the drummer and bassist started playing slowly. His eyes locked with mine as he started singing to me.

"_I need some company. I need you tonight. _

_You don't have to talk to me. And don't be polite._

_Take my body and soul._

_I feel so old."_

His voice was amazing, and I couldn't stop the smile that slowly started to work its way across my lips. No one had ever sung a song for me. It was perfectly romantic. The keyboardist and the lead guitarist started in with the chorus of the song.

"_Down on the ground._

_There's no one around._

_And the snow is falling._

_Down on the ground._

_It's where I'm bound._

_To end up by morning._

_Down."_

He walked down off of the stage, with the mic still in his hand, and came towards me. I knew that every eye in the bar was on the two of us, and I couldn't have cared less. He reached his hand out to me and I took it without a second's thought. He pulled me up out of my chair and wrapped one of his arms around my waist as he started singing again.

"_Just lay down beside of me. Know what I like._

_Take what you want from me. We don't have to fight._

_Take my body and soul._

_I feel so old."_

I could have listened to him sing to me all night long. His voice was hypnotic and soothing. I felt myself turn into a puddle of goo in his arms as we started dancing together. The rest of the band started singing the chorus along with him as we stared into each other's eyes. I had never known that he felt anything for me other then friendship.

"_Down on the ground._

_There's no one around._

_And the snow is falling._

_Down on the ground._

_It's where I'm bound._

_To end up by morning._

_Down."_

I unconsciously licked my lips as the mic came back up to his mouth as he got more into the song. I trailed my finger up his washboard abs to his rock hard chest.

"_Oh, down. Oh, down."_

His hand had slowly trailed up my back, over my shoulder, and up to cup the side of my face. It was like there wasn't anyone else in the room but the two of us. He had drawn me into himself. His eyes softened, and I saw the raw emotions that he had held in for lord only knows how long. It all poured out of him as the words fell from his mouth.

"_And she'll comfort me. Until my legs go weak._

_Hold me closer. We won't speak."_

He slowly leaned down so that our faces were just inches away from each other. I had not only shocked myself, but him as well, when I started singing the chorus one last time with him. I had heard the song a few times before. So I knew most of the words by heart before he ever sang the song to me.

"_Down on the ground._

_There's no one around._

_And the snow is falling._

_Down on the ground._

_It's where I'm bound._

_To end up by morning._

_Down."_

He pulled the mic out from between us as his lips caught mine in a sweet, tender kiss. I vaguely registered the whistles and applause from the crowd around us. I slid my arms around his neck and pulled him closer as his tongue slid into my mouth. It was at that moment that I knew that there wasn't any going back for me. The song had said it all. He needed me, and that's all that I needed to hear from him.

"What do you say, Steph?" he whispered against my lips.

"It looks like you've found someone to be on the gound with."


End file.
